Philosophizing with Bix

Chuck Martin

I saw the old cowboy sittin’ on the wood plank floor,
leanin’ against the wall.
I was there to catch a train
it didn’t matter, anywhere at all.
I was glad to leave
this hot, dusty town.
Too many bad memories
to stick around.
The man was old had a weather
beat face.
His pants were ragged, a clean spot
there weren’t a trace .
He wore an old grey Stetson hat
All crumpled from wear,
And hitched to a post in front of him
was a run down appy mare.
Tippin' his hat back he looked up at me,
“sit yerself down,” he said,
“ an’ share the shade.
the sun’s beatin down an’
It’s hottern’ Hades.”
I sat down next to the old geezer
Took out my kerchief an’ wiped my neck.
“Might as well,” I said, “trains always late
if’n it don’t get in a wreck.”
“ Beware the pessimist, who sez
the train’ll never get here,
then it’ll never leave, an’ when it leaves,
we’ll never see it again I fear.”
I sez, “I don’t need no object lesson.”
He answered. "‘A stangers business is not yor’n.’”
“It hain’t been a good year fer me,
that’s why I’m leaving’ ,” I mourn,
“What’s eatin‘ you ?”
The old man asked, bitin’ off a piece a chew.
“‘I homesteaded bout twenty miles from here,
had a wife, an’ a good one too.
She couldn’t take the wind an’ sand.
Left ‘bout a month ago, took my horse.
my favorite hound, an’ all the money
we’d saved, a ‘course.”
“Given the right dose of prickly pear
any nag will buck,” he said.
“Yeah,” I answered absentmindedly. “It’s sure been rough
with her gone, an’ livin’ all alone.
No food in the place,
just a no meat chicken bone.”
"Lonesome brings on ailments
that only company can cure.
Sorry looks back, Worry looks around
Faith looks up, thas’ fer sure.”
“Say ol’ man I don’t think I asked fer your advise
sounds like yer makin’ fun a my plight in any case.”
“Advice is like a pot a chili: Try a little yerself before you give
anybody else a taste.”
I said, “ please shut the heck up
yer philosophy is annoying an' I'm 'bout to see red.”
You’re not diplomatic because you put ‘please’ in front of
‘shut up’”, he said.
“Look, son, I been where you are
quite a few times.
Ya can't let it get ya down
an' set jus’ around an' whine."
"Ya sure got a mouthful to hand out
where ya gettin' this stuff?' I asked.
"Bix Bender put'em in a book.
I really didn't mean ta get ya in a huff."
"There's the train," I said, "Before I go
I got one fer you.
No man owning' a dogs gotta' bark his self.
See, I've red some Bix too.
I climbed aboard an' sat down
an' heard the old man yell before the train was gone
"Hey, mister, jus' remember...
DON"T SQUAT WITH YER SPIRS ON!"

What did you say, Huh

“What did You Say, Huh?”
Chuck Martin

My wife, Laurene, and I went to Pepe Delgatos one evening for dinner. We planned to eat and go to a movie. The waitress came to our table, handed us a menu and said a few inaudible words to Lauren.

“The waitress sounds English,” I said.

”The waitress is from London.”

“Oh,” I said, taking my cowboy hat off and setting it in the next chair. “I didn’t hear her tell you that.”

“She was standing next to you.”

“On what landing?”

“Standing….Standing next to you,” she said.

“Oh.”

The waitress came back to take our order. She gave the specials for the day and then spoke so low I asked Laurene what she’d said. “The specials are, chicken enchilada’s, or beef taco’s.”

“I’ll take the taco’s.”

The waitress looking at me mumbled something that I couldn’t hear, so I figure she hadn't heard me and wanted to know if I had chosen an item. She looked a little perplexed when I replied, “Yes,”

My wife nudged me with her elbow, “She wants to know if you want FLOUR or CORN tortilla’s.”

“White.”

“He means flour,” Laurene said.

Our meal came and as always it was delicious. The margaritas were made just the way we like them. While eating, I noticed a family sitting across from us looking around the room with a puzzled expression. The waitress came into the dining room, cocked her head to the side as if she were trying to locate a sound. My wife placed her hand on my shoulder and informed me my hearing aid was buzzing. Sometimes, while I’m eating, it works a little way out of my ear, and makes a loud buzzing noise. The pitch is too high for me to hear. I twisted it back in, and everyone in the room relaxed. I guess they thought it was a fire alarm.

My wife informed everyone in a loud voice, “It was his HEARING AID!”

“Thanks for letting everyone know it was me,” I mumbled.

Driving home after the movie I asked Laurene to explain what the girl in the movie said to the man to make him forsake his job, and get on the ship that sank on its way to Istanbul?

“What movie were you watching, for heaven sake? There wasn’t anything about a man forsaking anything to go anywhere. It was about the sinking of the Titanic.”

It was my turn to look confused. “Well, that's interesting.” I said.

The Barneys

Chuck Martin
The Barneys


Marla lives in Crawford, Colorado, on a small spread of land, with her husband Charlie, a bunch of dogs, a horse, and two donkeys both named Barney. She loves donkeys. She thinks they are misunderstood, as they are patient, smart, and calm if you know how to handle them. She says leaning into their soft coat you can smell the Wild West; look into their eyes you see magic; and they come in many wonderful colors, shapes, and sizes. Marla always yearned for donkeys, and now has two, Brown Barney and Blue Barney.

One day, while driving not far from her place she met Brown Barney standing sideways on the road, blocking the way. Marla tried to persuade Barney to move. No chance! He was going to stubbornly stand his ground. A considerable time later Barney decided he wanted to move. Barney was an escape artist, and a rogue in the neighborhood. One time Barney backed into the front doorway of a neighbor‘s house, and they had to leave out the back.

Marla started searching for Barney on a day to day basis, and thrilled to see him as she drove by his pasture. Soon she was stopping feeding him fruitcake just so she could pet, and touch his velvety ears. Marla and Barney bonded. She found the more time spent with him the more she realized he was much more than just a donkey. He was a friend. She asked his owner if she could spend time with Barney, and he said, go ahead. After a struggle Marla finally got him to bridal, and would take Barney up the road to her place, and then back. One day the owner told her to keep him. The man seemed happy to see him go.

A while later Blue Barney came into Marla’s life. Since then Brown Barney has taught his pal how to escape her pasture, through an electric fence. They close their eyes, and keep walking, as it must hurt only for a little while. Blue Barney has taught his buddy some tricks too, like eating shrubbery, for no reason. They are now a large part of the Bishop family, and if you ever driving through Crawford, and two donkeys block your path, say hi to Brown and Blue Barney, and before you drive off, notify Marla.