Huh, What Did You Say

Hearing loss can be quite frustrating for the one who can’t hear and the speaker. You might be having a dialogue with a deaf guy, and all he hears is a jumble of nonsense, or he just might hear something quite different from what the other conversastionalist said. You might ask the fella, or filly if they voted, and they may come back stating they don’t have a boat, but wished they did. And so it was for Craig Boumount, a part time farmer; full time sheet metal worker. In his fifties, Craig’s hearing had been terrible for years due to the loud banging of metal at the sheet metal shop, and the fact he didn’t use hearing protection when he went bird hunting. He started losing hearing in his forties. At the time he couldn’t understand why everyone was whispering to me. “Huh!“ became a large part of his vocabulary. An audiologist got him hearing aids, and said when he turns eighty he’d be completely deaf.

Telephones, unless you have a loud volume control, are just out of the question for a deaf person. The phone rang one evening, Martha , his wife, was out of the room, and out of desperation Craig picked it up. He could faintly hear a voice coming through the receiver. Martha back in the room ,sat down, and watched Craig nodding his head and saying “yeah”, for about twenty minutes, and hang up.

“Who was that?” Martha asked.

“I don’t know.”

“You talked to them a long time. You must have known who was on the other end.”

“Nope!, I was just too embarrassed to hang up. I could tell they were trying to tell me something, but didn’t know what.” Two weeks later six magazines arrived, none that he would ever order. Playboy, New York Review, Women’s Home Companion, Birds & Bloom, Prevention, and Gay Blade.

Fred, an ex-Marine, was retiring after 31 years at the shop, and Craig went to his retirement party. The company had gave him a certificate for him and family to eat at Harris Ranch, a fancy steak house.

“How ya goin’,” Craig asked. “Ya flyin’, takin’ a ship?”

“What’cha mean fly?”

“I mean Paris France, that’s great their sendin’ ya to dinner in France.”

The old Marine slowly walked over to Craig, put his nose on Craig‘s, like a DI in boot camp, and screamed, “It’s HARRRRIS RAAAANCH!”

Craig stepped back. “Jus’ kiddin’ Fred. I knew it was Harris Ranch.”

Craig and his wife, went to Pepe Delgatos one evening for dinner. They planned to eat and go to a movie. The waitress came to their table, handed them a menu and said a few inaudible words to Martha.

“The waitress sounds English,” Craig said.

”The waitress is from London.”

“Oh,” he said, “I didn’t hear her tell you that.”

“She was standing next to you.”


“Landing, what landing?”

“STANDING NEXT TO YOU,” she said.

The waitress came back to take the order. She gave the specials for the day speaking so low Craig leaned over asking Martha what she’d said. “The specials are, chicken enchilada’s, or carne asada.”

“I’ll take the asada.”

The waitress looking at Craig and mumbled something, He figured she hadn't heard and wanted to know if I had chosen an item.. She looked a little perplexed when h replied, “Asada.”

Martha nudged him with her elbow, “She wants to know if you want FLOUR, or CORN tortilla’s.”

“White.”

“He means flour,” Martha said.

The meal came and as always, delicious. The margaritas were made just the way they like them. While eating, a family sitting across from them, suddenly stood up, and with puzzled expressions, looked around the room . The waitress came rushing into the dining room, cocking her head to the side, trying to locate a sound. Martha placed her hand on Craig’s shoulder and mouth next to his ear informed him his hearing aid was buzzing. Sometimes, while eating, it would work a little way out, and make a loud buzzing noise, the pitch too high for him to hear. Craig twisted it back in. Everyone in the room relaxed, and those standing ready to exit at any minute thinking it was a fire alarm, sat down. .

Martha loudly informed the room, “It’s his HEARING AID!”

In a whisper he mumbled, “Thanks for letting everyone know,” .

Driving home after the movie he asked Martha to explain what the girl in the movie said to the man to make him forsake his job, and get on the ship that sank on its way to Istanbul?

“What movie were you watching, for heaven sake? There wasn’t anything about a man forsaking anything to go anywhere. It was about the sinking of the Titanic.”

It was his turn to look confused, and he uttered, “Ahhhh, I see.”

On the way Craig and Martha laughed at the silliness of it all. They say losing ones ability to hear is a serious matter, but if you can’t laugh at your ailment, and take it too seriously, you’ll soon be crying in your ear trumpet.